User blog:One-Eyed Serpent/Never Stand Alone (ARC3) - Chapter ??? - Heaven or Hell
Chapter ??? – “Heaven or Hell” --side:???— ~**~ Kimi no namae nandakke? Futo omoidasenakunatte Kotoba ni tsumatte fukidashita, herahera waratte gomen na Hito wa hitori de ikitekenai, sore wa tashika ni machigai janai Kanarazu dokka ni zoku shiteite; kazoku, gakkou, shakai toka ~**~ Who am I? For a year, I’ve been asking myself that. ‘Who am I’. It’s strange; having all your memories wiped. There’s a gap in my mind; and abyss not empty yet empty at the same time. The knowledge that I have all my previous memories eradicated (‘but why?’ I ask myself) is akin to the niggling sensation of an itch I am unable to scratch. It unsettles me; more so than I assumed it should. The man who takes care of me – my cousin, he claims – never once called me anything aside ‘''mein schön''’. What does that mean? He wouldn’t tell me. All he does is stroke my hair, repeat the strange words and walk away laughing softly. He is a very strange man. But which is stranger? A man whose memories are obliterated or a man who knows the amnesiac’s memories? My case is very strange, indeed. -- Cousin ordered me to train my body. I asked him why, and all he did was point to the strange, immovable armlet on my right wrist. He leaned close to me, and whispered; “Can you feel the Hunger?” Yes. Yes I do. -- Cousin gave me a God Arc; A Variant Scythe, a Sniper, and a Shield. He gave me the honors of naming them, as these living weapons are to be my lifelong partners. So I named them. Thanatos. Chernobog. Hel. The pure white color hurts my eyes. -- It was time for my medication. Cousin had settled me onto the throne like mechanism moments ago, and I’m awaiting the needles to pierce my skin. The humongous vat of liquid overhead glows a soft red, not quite like blood but not quite like wine either. Perhaps it was something in between? I’ve never bothered with trivial things; Cousin wanted me to return my former glory as a God Eater. He told me I was one of a kind, and I was made for greater things. I didn’t ask him any specifics; if he says so, then who am I to deny him? I didn’t react to the needles burying themselves into me. I can’t properly feel pain, for some reason. On that note, any kind of sensation is blurred, for a lack of a better term. I don’t know if it’s a positive thing, but I kept my silence. Cousin need not be bothered by minor discomforts. The medicine called ‘Red Rain’ churned, and it flooded my veins in one go. I withheld a scream. -- It was the end of year 2075 when I began having the strangest dreams. I was sitting on a plain black chair, in a plain black room, wearing plain black clothes. Across from me was another plain black chair; and there sat a man in plain black clothes. He had long, dark hair the color of burnt wood, tanned skin and turquoise eyes. A scar ran below his left eye, and there seems to be a ring of scarred tissue circling his neck. The first time he appeared, he merely sat there and watched me. I did the same to him. No words were exchanged, and when dawn arrived and I woke from my slumber, it was strange that I remember that peculiar dream. ~**~ Usotsuki, risouka, musouka; utsubyou, migi ka, hidari ka Boku ra tada ikiteru dake de, namae dake irekaerarete Shakaisei, fuanshougai; gitaarokku, JPOP, fooku Nandatte ii daro, '''boku no hanashi o mazu kiitekure yo' '~**~''' For the first time, I disliked Cousin. I disliked him strongly. He assigned me a partner. And a female at that. I find no sensibility in his action; why hinder me with a trainee? And also, he very well knows that I work best alone; so why do this? I can’t understand him. I can’t understand her. “Raito Izanagi”, she says her name. “I don’t care.” I reply. She smiled, and I was scared. Scared of that openness and kindness and delight. Humans are terrifying creatures. -- Another year passed before I saw him again. The man in my ‘dream’. This time, he smiled. I was scared by the familiarity of that sight, but nonetheless, an answering smile pulled at my lips. The elation in his eyes at the gesture took me back. And I had broken eye contact. It was quiet for a long time, and just before I was sure I would wake up, he spoke for the first time. “Who are you?” He asks. It was strange; the way he worded that phrase. Shouldn’t it be ‘what’s your name’? What a strange man from an equally strange dream. “I don’t know.” I had replied. When I woke up, I felt tears in my eyes when I saw his pained expression. ~**~ Boku jishin wa gaki no mama, nannimo kawattenai keredo Toki to baai to joukyou ni, yotte namae wa kawaru rashii Dakara sonna ochikomanaide, boku wa kimi o shitteru kara 「''Dare da omae wa」'' to iwaretatte, omae ga saki ni nanore yo ~**~ “You’re a very amazing God Eater, you know.” I looked down at Izanagi, face blank. She had her head tilted up to face the night sky, eyes closed. She had stabbed her Long Blade behind her, leaning against it for support. She looked like she was enjoying herself, despite having committing massacre against Chi You just a while ago. Women are strange. “Any you say this because?” It was better to reply to her when she starts a conversation; Izanagi is after all an extremely persistent person, and she would go to great lengths to get what she wants. And I speak from experience, unfortunately. “You’re very fast; it already spread all over the Branch you know, when you outran that escaping Sekhmet. You know how fast they are when they want to, right?” She tilted her head a bit so she could look at me, eyes crinkled at the corners and a smile splitting her lips. “It was very amazing. And the way you don’t hesitate in taking on hordes of Aragami! Remember that time when we got cornered by dozens of dozens of Ukonvasaras-“ “- There were only twenty-one of them, don’t exaggerate-“ “- Whatever! But the point is,” She poked me in the shoulder, and I glared at her for daring to touch me in an overly friendly manner. “You’re a freaking badass motherfucker! Please have my babies!” For once, she had managed to surprise me. Does woman know what she’s saying-'' “''Oh my Fenrir!! Your face!” She dropped to the ground clutching her stomach, laughing in an unladylike fashion with the way she was rolling on the ground. I scowled down at the impertinent woman, picking up Thanatos and storming back to head to the rendezvous point. “Hey! Don’t leave me here; I was joking!” “Which is not amusing!” I shot back over my shoulder. She continued shouting obscenities at me as I continued to leave her behind. But I don’t mind. Atleast, not any more. -- The moment Raito Izanagi was assigned as my partner; I knew the woman would be the death of me. Of course, considering my fortune, my ‘wish’ manifested at the worst possible moment. A Spartacus, Sekhmet and a Fallen Blaze Borg Camlann. The Borg Camlann had long since died, but the Sekhmet and the Spartacus had cooperated and managed to kill half of my units in my temporary command. It doesn’t help that only Izanagi and I are the veterans. A crackling, clawed hand shot out in Izanagi’s direction, and before I registered what I was doing, I moved. Moved to push Izanagi out of Death’s path. Even though I just broke my God Arc. The feeling of something plunging into your body was unpleasant, and I made sure to tell Izanami when she rushed over to me. She laughed shakily despite her tears – why did she cry for me? Fear? It isn’t like I’m going to die over something simple as this; Cousin said so – and said. “You idiotic badass motherfucker.” -- Halfway through my second year, I’ve slowly started remembering. I always start remembering when I’m with the man in the Black Dream, and he seemed happy by this. His smile was bittersweet when I told him, but nonetheless, that smile also relieves me for some reason. The first thing I remembered was my name. My two different names; one for each state of mind. Ulrich Diener. And Ryuuka Izanami. It was funny, that my partner’s name is ‘Izanagi’ whilst my other self is named ‘Izanami’. Fate likes her jokes, it seems. Second I remembered; someone had died in front of me. I can’t seem to remember who, but my chest would ache. And it was unbearable. I was both scared and craving to know who died. I know it was – is – someone very important to me. I wouldn’t be like this otherwise. I couldn’t wait to remember everything. ~**~ Dakara donna fuu ni yobareyou to. Suki ni yaru beki dato omou yo Kimi o kataru namae ga nande arou to, kimi no koudou hitotsu hodo niwa yuuben janai ~**~ By my third year, I know everything. And that my ‘Cousin’ is Gilbert’s killer. I should’ve killed him; but I can’t. He’s too important to the German Fenrir Branch, and I still have to get back to Far East. My home. So I will take my time, and turn his plans and experiments on him when the time is ripe. He plans to make me a ‘Singularity’, and trigger a Devouring Apocalypse. Just like what Uncle Johannes plans to. Only that ‘''Cousin''’ desires total genocide. He just wants to kill the world; the humans and the Aragami are only casualties in his plan. He had forced my Power of Blood to activate; a crucial part of his plan. ‘Domination’ he calls it. True to its name, I have complete control of my Oracle Cells. Everything is under my control. He needed it as he administered my ‘medicine’ into my body; I had to use every bit of my new found power to Devour the Red Rain. Devour it before it Devours me. There were several times that I nearly lost my life (though as tempting that prospect is, I still have to live. Live to kill my dear Cousin and atleast give Blood a proper goodbye) it was possible. I also know that the more I Devour Red Rain, the more I become an Aragami of a completely new origin. A Singularity. Maybe, if I Devoured enough ‘Aragami essence’, would I be able to control the very thing even outside my body? It was a possibility, so I endured the torture, the pain – excruciating pain – and the rage that threatened to consume me. I’ll Devour you. My hair slowly faded to white. -- It’s strange. Using a Variant Scythe when my body now remembers how I move with a Spear. How I move with Kyrie Eleison. And with that knowledge, came the tightrope. I have to be careful in not showing any sort of signal that would tell my dear Cousin that I have all my memories back. And it was hard. He sees everything, and thought he and I know it was in a metaphorical sense; it was nonetheless the brutal truth. He’s a dangerous enemy. Far more than Aragami, even. It was hard to see him as a human, when I know it was really just a monster wearing human skin. He is my very nightmare. What makes up my fear. I’ll have the pleasure of Devouring him when the time comes, but for now… I’ll get to know Thanatos. He’s a very polite child; listens to me without any problem, behaves himself, and is always eager to accept the food I place before him. He isn’t like Kyrie; but that’s to be expected. I hope Kyrie is fine; she’ll undoubtedly get along swimmingly with her baby brother. I had also developed a Blood Art with his help; Mortal Cutter. What a good boy. -- It was my birthday on my third year when Izanagi pulled something I completely didn’t expect. That day, I had thought she was getting jittery. At first, I thought it was about my birthday (I had made it clear – in a violent way – that I don’t like any sort of grand celebrations) but when she greeted me at breakfast and simply pushed a box of store bought chocolates – God forbid this woman cooks; it’s worse than Aragami poison – in my direction, I brushed it off. She’d done that for the past years since she was assigned my partner. So as per routine, I took missions to last us the whole day; taking low Ranked ones as we’re training new recruits – I’m actually missing the days when Hiro and Nana and Ciel are the babies of the Squad – and making them up to scratch for the new squad Cousin plans of making. On missions, Izanagi was in her top form; no errors whatsoever. So that furthered my belief that there’s nothing wrong. Turns out she was actually planning something. That night. I found out when I got back from the Hangar – I had a tune-up with Thanatos – and just arrived at my room. The instant I stepped foot into the room, I immediately knew there’s something off. There’s was a pungent smell in the air, the weight of the air noticeable as a sign of someone else beside me in the room. So when I flicked the lights on, I have half the mind to stare and another to run away and never come back. Why? It was Izanagi. Izanagi sitting on the middle of my bed. Izanagi sitting on my bed wearing nothing but provocative lingerie for ‘clothing’. Izanagi sitting on my bed wearing nothing but provocative lingerie for ‘clothing’ and giving me her best lascivious look. I frowned at her. “What are you doing?” It was a legitimate question; what is she doing? She pouted back at me, and with the smoky make-up, the expression looks silly on her. “You know, men usually say ‘is this for me’ when presented with a ripe virgin ready for the taking.” She shot back with a straight face. She crossed her arms, giving me an accusing look. “Are you sure you’re not gay? You’re not even u-“ “You know what?” I interrupted quickly. I can’t believe this. “I’m dead tired, and my bed is calling me. Move.” Izanagi frowned, before suddenly smiling. “I could totally help you with that tiredness of yours.” She purred. I resisted the urge to smack my forehead with my palm. Women are so desperate these days… Wait. “What – exactly – brought this on?” I asked tiredly, massaging my temples as a headache came out of nowhere. “Um,” She twiddled her fingers. “Birthday gift?” “Are you asking or answering?” I griped, moving to the bathroom to get painkillers. The woman is a piece of work; I can feel my Marie Antoinette Syndrome worsening. Ugh, my beautiful, silver hair. I fare thee well- “And your excuse is more transparent than air itself; spit it out or I’m kicking you out of my room.” Izanagi closed up for a second – bingo – and she released a sigh. It sounded so tired and lonely that I can’t help but pause and watch her carefully. “I may be just 20… But I live everyday afraid that I might die.” She murmured, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around it. She looks small that way; frail. “I could accept that I would die sooner or later, being a God Eater and all, so I want to experience everything before I go. Even… this.” I popped a pill in my mouth, drinking from the tap to push the medicine down. “So you want to use my body for your personally desire. Isn’t that a bit selfish?” I asked lightly. She looked over at me, and her obsidian eyes were sad. “I’m just human, after all. Being selfish means I’m human.” “Then why me?” I moved on to the next question, brushing my teeth all the while. “I’m positive there are other men – or women, if that’s your thing – more willing to give you what you want.” “They’re not you.” Izanagi answered simply. “It may be a weird time to say this, but I really, really ''like you. You’re strong, amazing, kind, nice and most of all… You saved me. You saved me from that Spartacus. I can’t repay you anything less than all of me.” I spat out the foam from my brushing, gargling water afterward to rid my mouth of its remains. “Is that a love confession?” “Yes.” I sighed quietly. Women are troublesome. I locked the door to the bathroom for a moment, changing into my night clothes, before getting out. I walked over to the lights and flicked it off. With my enhanced senses, I saw her look up at me in surprise as I walked over to the bed, crawling towards her. “Captain…?” I put a finger to her lips, before pushing her back down until she lied on her back. Vulnerable. I crawled over her, looking down at her impassively. Might as well give in to her selfish wish; I’ve got nothing to lose. “No regrets?” I asked her quietly. Her heart was hammering in her chest, like a rabbit being chased by wolves, but when she answered, her voice was even and resolute. She held my face, fingers tangling into my white hair. “No regrets.” Together, we Devoured the Fruit of Sin. -- Turns out I can’t bring myself to regret what we did, even when ''Cousin berated me for being such a quote-‘hormonal teenager who thinks with his D instead of his brain’-unquote person. I just weathered the incessant lecturing, truly unrepentant for what Izanagi (she told me to call her ‘Raito’, hah, as if) and I did. It wasn’t like it’ll backfire… right? It was just, after all, one night of selfishness on either participant’s side. -- ‘Foot in mouth’. Is that phrase familiar? Of course it is. And how applicable that idiom is right now to my – our – situation. It’s Izanagi. Why does Izanagi always get tangled up in things she’s better off not being involved? I’m contemplating just having myself reassigned to escape her atrocious penchant for attracting misfortune. But this… This got to be the cherry on the cake. Why? Izanagi has been pregnant – with '''my children – for 9 weeks now. And the finisher? They’re triplets. Triplets bearing my inhuman blood. Instead of being ecstatic, all I felt was dread; this situation is painfully familiar. Oh, of course, Project Managarm. Only that I'' am the poison that will kill Izanagi and turn my children – ''my children – into Aragami killing machines. Fate… What a joke. '''~**~ Gorotsuki, higaisha, kagaisha; makeinu, boukansha, yougisha Boku ra tada ikiteru dake de, namae dake irekaerarete Yukaihan, joucho, fuantei; hoomuresu, hiyatoiroudousha Nandatte ii daro; kimi no yaru beki koto o yaritogetekure yo ~**~ Gil’s presence in my mind wasn’t a hallucination. It was his consciousness; stored by my own. I got almost all of his essence when… When I Devoured his body to keep it from being desecrated further. Gil was alive through me. He is now me; but I stay myself. I infected him; my Power of Blood applies to him too. But he thinks separately from me. Basically, he’s now a mere extension of me. But that was fine; he was alive (not completely, not completely, but soon) and that’s all I need. I made a false fetus. And injected it with Gil’s blood. The results were immediate. The object came to life. And it was going to be Gilbert. I started ‘Project Bias Factor Clones’ once more. I’ll need an army to face my Cousin. ~**~ Kimi no namae wa nandakke? Futo omoidasenakunatte Chinami ni saikin no bako wa yoku ''「hinikuya''」 tte iwareru yo ~**~ Raito Izanagi died giving birth to our children. The wedding ring I gave her shone dully, as if sensing its owner die. The plain gold band looked lifeless. Just like the woman (whoIcametolovetocareforboremechildren'lovedme''') who wears it. The stress was too great, even for her Oracle Cell strengthened body. One of the triplets died; a stillborn. The eldest sister was never given a chance to live. But it was for the best; she didn’t have to know the horror of this messed up world. The doctor handed over to me the remaining twins. One male and one female. They looked like their mother. Almost painfully so. Same pitch black tufts hair. Healthy, cream skin. And same pitch black eyes with thick lashes. I hugged my children – ''my and Raito’s children – to me, and cried softly. -- We are going back to Far East, but not in the way I want to. Cousin was recently promoted as the official Commander of the German Fenrir Branch, and I his right-hand man. I stood behind him; I must look imposing in the combat armor I wore – never took it off since Raito died – and stark white hair. Only the lower half of my face could be seen, and the rest was covered by black pieces of armor and skin tight cloth. The twins stood behind me, wearing the uniform that more… friendly to look at. I knew better though. My eldest daughter; sadistic and finding pleasure in killing Aragami. Hateful to every human. She inherited my destruction, it seems. My younger son; apathetic and uncaring. One could die in front of him, and he wouldn’t even bat an eyelash. The inheritor to my numbness. Being extensions of me, I forced them to age thrice as fast. I aged them faster so that they can join me as God Eaters. It wasn’t my wish; but it had to be done. After all… Me and my clones have timed lives. I’ve decided… to kill us. Kill us to kill the one who plans on destroying this world. We won’t let him. Cousin knocked on the door of FRIAR’s Director. We were granted permission by a feminine voice that is painfully familiar. We entered. Ah… Behind my visor I looked at each one of them. Time wasn’t kind to them. The twins and I saluted. “Blitzsoldat; reporting.” -- -- Notes: Lyrics taken from amazarashi's "Namae" Category:Blog posts Category:Fanfic